Thursday, September 4, 2014

Life is not a movie, and other duh things I didn't realize hithertho

Today I realized I do not do the things I loved anymore. I used to write and draw and was learning to paint and I played and listened to music.

Too much happened to me.

I used to be the person who like anything until something happened to make me dislike it. Now, I hate first until it proves to not be hated.

Did life do this to me? Or am I just going to the wrong direction?

I lost two people I considered best friends - they are the two that I know of. Three actually. I lost another quite some time ago. I was mad and sad I cried till my eyes are swollen and puffy. But then I became angry. I hate them even. I hate them for making me cry. I hate them for confusing me, for breaking my heart. For making me feel so inadequate for their friendship. But there's a piece of me that says I am better without them. Yes. I am better without them.

Anyway, since I have time in hand, too much of it, I should write. But I don't instead I waste my time doing nothing. I only eat and sort of waste away in existence.

Joey was kinda trying to reconcile our friendship, but I don't feel like doing it. I just want to be left alone. I love him and I appreciate the effort but I just don't want people in my life. I don't know what's happening.

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